Introducing "Today's Lesson"

Listening to music while on the computer may help me stay awake, which would mean more updates! So I'm going to totally start doing that. Also, I'm trying out a new feature: "Today's Lesson". This stems from me doing half the post and forgetting that "TIL" stood for "Thing I Liked" and not "Thing I Learned". That is how bad things have gotten, which will hopefully be rectified soon.

08/15:
Not to pick nits or anything, but if it had something had enough force to shake apart an armored car, wouldn't the guards inside (being not made of metal and all) be turned to jelly? I may be wrong, but in my mind that's how it works.

TIL: The road design in the first panel is kind of weird and neat, since the bottom corner looks like something from an MC Escher painting.
Today's Lesson: Average men have a greater fortitude than armored trucks.

08/16:
I take this to mean that the Shocker either hasn't been in the strip before, or hasn't been in the strip for a great while. If it's the first option, then why exactly is he in one of the Sunday title panels?

TIL: The security guards work for Galahad something or others. That's kind of neat.
Today's Lesson: An armored car being shaken apart by a man in a flamboyant quilted costume in Los Angeles will attract a total of zero curious bystanders.

08/17:Ah, so I guess the Shocker has had a past career in the comics. I'm still confused about Shocker's gauntlets, but assume they're there so that Spider-Man can snatch them away when he eventually returns and end the criminal's wave of crime in an efficient manner. We can only hope that the Shocker has the gauntlets on a lower setting for the guards than he did on the truck, because a direct hit like that would kill them messily. If the gauntlets even have settings.

TIL: The stab at relevancy in the first panel is pretty keen.
Today's Lesson: Super-villains become pouty when people do not recognize them.

8/18:
This adds further credence to Shocker's status as a returning villain. Interestingly enough, he seems to be stealing a smallish bag of money and another empty money bag, both of which are just modernized versions of the classic money sacks used by villains such as the Beagle Boys of "DuckTales". One can only hope he busts out those sacks next.

TIL: The money bags, of course.
Today's Lesson: Beliefs of great responsibility coming with great power mean nothing when on vacation with one's wife and there is a price on one's secret identity.

08/19:
Is Jameson making a pun in the second row's first panel, or is that just a poor choice of adjective on Stan Lee's part? Well, not so much poor as redundant. You would think someone like Jonah would realize this and get out a thesaurus to avoid it. Also, would it be so hard to make sure the Shocker's gauntlets and victims looked remotely the same on Sundays? I see the second row's third panel and imagine him attacking some hospital orderlies.

Jonah's comments make it seem as if the Shocker is a newcomer to the strip, which confuses an issue I thought was over with. Not to mention the fact that the footage was shot with a phone camera. There are many things wrong with that, mainly that the person with the camera would have to be standing less than twenty feet away to get footage that good. Wait, is that footage in the bottom row's first panel taken from inside the armored truck?!

TIL: Jameson's drunken stare in the bottom row's middle panel.
Today's Lesson: The Shocker will pose for video cameras, and even allow them to follow him around while he collects his loot.

8/20:
Earlier today, I was reading the second "Marvel Masterworks: Amazing Spider-Man", which collected issues #11-19, and the first annual. The final few stories involved Spider-Man disappearing from the public eye after his Aunt May had a heart attack and needed someone to stay with her until she became well. I bring this up because the situation in those issues is pretty much the exact same thing happening here, save for a few minor differences. The two main ones are that Maria Lopez has taken Flash Thompson's role as "Spider-Man Fan" and Peter's reasons for giving up his identity for a bit and vanishing from the public eye are far less noble. Comic strip Peter is kind of a whiny jerk, isn't he?

TIL: Peter and Mary Jane's hotel room either has multiple fireplaces, or their couch transformed into some sort of legless chair. Also, it looks like Peter has lost his bottom half.
Today's Lesson: Even in Death Valley, one of the hottest places in America, the hotel rooms have fireplaces.

Mary Jane's Harrowing Accident!!!

08/10:My imagination inserts a thought balloon into the first panel. It is the guide's thought balloon, and it reads, "Don't those two know I can hear their whispers?" This is why he is whispering in response. The rest of the guide's appearances will consist of him acting as if he doesn't know who his charges really are.

TIL: The third panel is kind of nifty.

08/11:
Looks to me like the burro gained a moment of super-strength and was either unaware or unable to stop his foot from plowing into ground. This caused him to lose his balance, and his super-strength. Either that, or he slipped on some rocks. You could pick either one.

TIL: The middle panel. Action Burros are GO! Even if that action is somewhat ambiguous.

08/12:
It's nice that the guide is going out of his way to pretend that he doesn't know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Meanwhile, the last panel boggles my mind. They obviously know the Shocker's power lies in vibrations, hence the "NEXT" box. Why, then, does the villain say that he'll electrify Hollywood? He's not Electro, after all. Sadly, I think we can expect more of this inappropriate quipping until the end of the storyline.

TIL: The Shocker's patience. Poor guy must be itching to do something by now.

08/13:
Yes, that perfectly even path sure is steep. They could have at least made an effort to have the art match the narrative. A month ago, I made the prediction that this storyline would have no excitement to it. What with those crazy burros and the Shocker, I think we can safely assume it was a shoddy prediction.

TIL: That guide sure does stick to his act.

08/14:
I can see where Mary Jane is coming from. I almost slipped and fell in the parking lot at work today (it's not paved, but covered in gravel) and wanted nothing more than to sit down for an hour or so. So our near-accidents were pretty much the same. Except she had a burro, which I suppose makes all the difference.

TIL: Shocker has been saying that for a few weeks now, and I have to admire his perseverance. Hopefully it'll pay off soon.

Amazingly Huge Colossal Update Spectacular!

When the unintended hiatus started, things were moving at a snail's pace. Jonah had a reward out for Spider-Man's identity, Maria Lopez was crushing on Spider-Man, and Peter Parker had put the identity into semi-retirement. Also, he was being whiny because his wife is launching a film career. However, I was still reading and saving the comics every day (I had time enough to do that) and watched as the Parkers watched Jonah rant and rave. Then, suddenly, I didn't even have time to do that. I came back, expecting the strip to have moved forward ever so slightly. Well... you'll see what happens when we get there. For now, it's catch-up time!

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07/27/2007:
Peter looks honestly crestfallen that he is not considered one of his wife's "people". In fact, he looks sort of glum throughout the strip. The sign on Maria's van brings me happiness, however, because it looks as if it's used for Maria's show and a watch shop.

TIL: The sign, of course.

07/28:
The curse of remarking on a daily strip like this is that sometimes there's absolutely nothing to remark upon. I realize they're trying to set up a "will he or won't he" thing concerning Peter and his Spider-Man identity, but we all know he'll jump back into right when a super-villain or some other madman raises their ugly head.

TIL: Peter's casual remark that Maria Lopez has turned into a stalker.

07/29:
This would have been a prime time for the Land Captain to return, if he was recognized by Stan Lee and whatnot. On another note, it took me a minute to put the second police officer's line and the "NEXT" box together. Also, Peter looks really stupid today.

TIL: The punk in the last panel warms my heart.

07/30:
The first panel makes it sound like Peter and Mary Jane are on Tatooine (from Star Wars). The second panel makes it sound like Peter is a polygamist. The third panel doesn't make it sound like Peter and Mary Jane are anything but Peter and Mary Jane. I'll leave it up to you to decide if any of these are a good thing.

TIL: The way the Stan Lee/Larry Lieber thing is floating above panel two and casting a shadow in the gutter.

07/31:
I don't know why Peter is acting so smug, as that's pretty much exactly why he's lying low for a few days.

TIL: Mary Jane's look of pure horror in panel three.

08/01:
I thought this one was actually kind of funny. Which isn't a bad thing, and much better than the monotony every other day, but I would rather have some fast-paced Spider-Action than Peter mocking Jonah Jameson.

TIL: Peter's mockery of Jameson.

08/02:
Here, Spider-Man expresses a little known ability: Jameson Jealousy-Sense. A part of his spider-sense, it allows him to know when Jameson is about to prove that he's jealous due to someone's crush on Spider-Man. It is a very obscure power, and this is probably only the second time it's been used ever. The first time was in the mid-eighties.

TIL: Peter's mischievous look in panel three.

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Here we are, a week into things, and all that Spider-Man has done is not fight crime and make fun of his boss. Will our fortunes look up? DOUBTFUL. We now continue.

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08/03:
We all know Jameson does have a crush on Maria Lopez, but Mary Jane could have just dismissed Peter as crazy and jealous of Jonah. You know, for the sake of argument.

TIL: The magic floating television set.

08/04:
Actually, if it was a square, Spider-Man would have to love Jonah. It'd actually be a weird diagram or something, like this:
Land Captain is there because everyone loves Land Captain, in some way or another.

TIL: It looks like Jonah is trying to smash his way out of the television in panel one.

08/05:
...

Holy crap, it's the Shocker.

Wait, why is he wearing armor?

TIL: The whole strip is actually sort of pleasing today, actually.

08/06:
First off, some stuff about the Shocker. He's basically a small-time thug who has become fairly infamous because of how lame he is. The man wears something that looks like a quilt and his power lies not in shocks but in vibrations. Luckily, someone realized that they should not use the name "Vibrator". What's more important is that he has no delusions of grandeur, so if this whole scheme of his consists of anything more than robbing banks I'll be fairly disappointed with his characterization. However, I'll also be pleased that the Shocker is running around doing stuff, as I like him, and am glad to see he lost the armor.

Second, when did the whole "Going to Death Valley!" thing pop up? I need a plot-change sense so these things can't come at me out of left field.

TIL: It's the Shocker!

08/07:
This is what I want to see more of: Peter Parker being randomly reminded of villains he's fought, along with pictures. Maybe Sandman will show up and we'll have him and Shocker running around! I doubt it.

TIL: Sandman looks so cheery.

08/08:
Oh ho ho, hilarity. They want to remain incognito, but Mary Jane's fame makes that impossible! Where's the Shocker?

TIL: The check-in guy's outfit.

08/09:
They're wearing long sleeves and pants in Death Valley? Death Valley, which is characteristically very hot? The donkey sees the foolishness of that.

TIL: Donkeys!

Also, "Barney Google" or "Snuffy Smith" or whatever it is mentioned Spider-Man and Doctor Octopus on 7/30:
Well, now we're up to date. Hopefully this state of affairs will continue for a while.

Metapost: Not to Worry

I'm sorry I haven't been posting at all. My days have been taken up with work, while my nights have been taken up with doing stuff to make sure I don't throttle anyone at work. When stuff is not being done, however, I can hardly keep my eyes open. When things like this happen, it's always the Blogs who suffer. Not to worry, though, by the middle of this month things should be back on a fairly even schedule. Hopefully, I'll be able to catch-up on strips this weekend.

Mary Jane: Husband?

I can't escape the second panel. I know Maria Lopez is simply asking Mary Jane if Peter is her husband. However, the syntax of the dialog makes me think that the name "Mary Jane" is referring to the husband. If this was the case, then we'd be getting some catfight action for sure. This is not the case, however, and so we'll six more weeks of Mary Jane looking alternately smug and outraged. Tomorrow: What the heck is that thing around Mary Jane's neck?

TIL: Maria Lopez is just sort of holding her face in panel one. I think that's kind of funny.

More Malarky

07/24:Today, Peter realizes that Mary Jane is going to become a movie star and there's not a blasted thing he can do about it. He also realizes that he should not stand in the way of his wife's dream, and in fact, he should support her decision. This is what we call "personal growth" and "maturity": it's something we haven't seen from Peter from a long time, but here's hoping it's making a return.

TIL: Mary Jane in panel three.

07/25:I hope Maria Lopez either blacks out or dies from exhaustion. Anything that'll put an end to her. I do like that she's willing to hire guys with cameras from the early nineties, though.

TIL: I hope Mary Jane and Maria Lopez fight each other. That is a thing I would like.

Wobbly to Whiny

Sorry for the lack of updates, AGAIN. Once summer is over (about a month), things should be back on a daily schedule.

07/18:It's a one-time sum, Mary Jane. It's not like he can continually make millions of dollars revealing his identity to Jameson. Of course, revealing his identity may allow him to finally cash in on all the Spider-merchandise, so there's that.

TIL: It looks like Peter is stopping his head from wobbling in panel one.

07/19:"In the meantime, I'll try to get in Maria Lopez's pants but will be foiled by a super-villain or random thug! Chances are he'll only be holding Maria and I hostage to lure Spider-Man into a poorly though-out trap, where I'll be humiliated by being saved by Spider-Man and Maria will love him even more! IT'S A GREAT PLAN. SHUT UP."

TIL: Jameson is mistaken: he's forgetting about the lonely cameraman.

07/20:Mary Jane really wants to be attacked by criminals, it would seem. That's what would happen if Spider-Man revealed his identity, after all. Heck, Dara Dorset just claimed to be married to Spider-Man and she was nearly killed for her efforts. Granted, she'll probably become ten times more famous, but still...

TIL: I think Peter is drinking coffee from a tea kettle.

07/21:
Spider-Man may now be forced to fight pirates and gypsies. All misgivings I had about this storyline are gone.

TIL: I like to think that the pirate is just going to go around, yelling to random people that he's looking for Spider-Man.

07/22:
I'd like to think the pirate did not see Spider-Man, but some other costumed character who'll appear and force Spider-Man out of semi-retirement. It's not like Spider-Man is going to have anything to do at home, with his wife gone.

TIL: Not the coloring for the pirate and gypsy. I do like the next box, though. The possibilities are endless.

07/23:
WHINE WHINE WHINE I AM PETER PARKER AND I WHINE ALL THE TIME AND EVERYTHING GOES WRONG. MY WIFE IS A MOVIE STAR WHO MAKES LOTS OF MONEY BUT SHE IS NEVER HOME SO I WHINE WHINE WHINE. SHE WAS SO GOOD IN HER MOVIE THEY WANT TO MAKE A SEQUEL EVEN BEFORE ANYONE SEES IT WHINE WHINE WHINE. I COULD GO WITH HER BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I AM SPIDER-MAN WHINE WHINE WHINE... what? Semi-retirement? I have no reason to whine about that, as I can go with her with a clean conscious, and protect my secret identity at the same time? YOU ARE BEING LOGICAL WHINE WHINE WHINE.

TIL: Peter being extra-mopey in panel one.

Sandwich and Hyphens

Jameson doesn't actually want to know who Spider-Man is. He does, however, want to cause as much trouble as possible for the web-slinger, and what could be more trouble than a money-hungry mob on the look-out for his secret identity? You know, other than a super-villain? This works out, because Peter doesn't really want to tell Jameson anyway.

TIL: The interactions with the sandwich.

Mary Jane is Looking at You

After two days of this, I'm beginning to think Peter doesn't know the meaning of the word "retire". It makes one think that Peter is hanging up the webs forever, where Peter is pretty much acknowledging that this is a short-term thing. I do find it rather odd that Peter has become so flippant about the whole thing after his grave performance on Saturday, remarking that he'll never leave Mary Jane's side again. Also, the television set has become an amalgamation of the two sets we've seen since Peter came home. For my part, I'm looking forward to what this television set is going to do next!

TIL: It looks like Mary Jane is talking directly to us during the comic.

Metathing: My web-comic just hit two-hundred comics! You can read it here!

Numbered Lists: YES!

07/14:Peter is certainly over-reacting here. Listen, being clingy won't keep your secret identity safe! You have several options here, Peter:
1) Go into semi-retirement until the initial shock wears off and everyone stops caring
2) Take on another identity. What about that "Justice Guy" thing you had like a year ago? You could bring him back. Maybe even something new.
3) Go about business as usual, as it's unlikely anyone would be able to catch you unmasking. If I recall correctly, your spider-sense prevents that.
4) Unmask yourself and get the million.

Numbers one and three are the most likely options to be pursued, with number two coming in at a close second and number four probably being unlikely as heck.

TIL: Mary Jane's smirk in panel three. It's nice that Peter can make his wife smile by insulting Jonah.

07/15:It looks like we're going with option one here. I see a lot of split-mask angst in our future. I'm willing to overlook that the television went from being an older model to a flat-screen over a fireplace.

TIL: There are four things I like today! Hooray!
1) Maniacal Jonah (second panel, second row)
2) The guy on top of the building (first panel, third row)
3) Spider-Man clinging to a wall, shaking his fist. (third panel, second row)
4) Peter Parker's explanation of why Jonah is doing this. This is even better because it's true.

One MILLION Dollars

Thank God, something is happening! Granted, I've been waiting for this since the middle of June, but at least it's finally here. If we're lucky, a bunch of crazies and whatnot will come out to try and unmask Spider-Man. In any case, this might actually have a bit of excitement in it. Tune in three months from now when I bemoan the lack of excitement in this storyline.

TIL: It looks like Jameson's head is in a microwave. Larry Lieber has no idea how to draw modern television sets.

The Week in Review

Sorry about not posting! First, I was too busy. Then, I was too sick. Then, I was too apathetic about what was going on in the storyline. I'm back now, though, and like NOTHING has happened in the past week.

07/06:
It's certainly not for the ratings, Jonah, since readership is most likely at an all-time low and will continue to be until something happens.

TIL: I like to think that Jameson is listening to a radio rather than watching a television in panel three.

07/07:Spider-Man should be well aware that his is watching, since she knew about this. With each passing day, my distaste for Maria Lopez becomes stronger.

TIL: Spider-Man is panel three, as he looks like he's having convulsions.

07/08:At least the art in the Sunday strip is better than average, and I actually found this strip kind of funny. Not only does Spider-Man reference the previous storyline, but someone actually thought it would be a good idea to capture Spider-Man's facial expression in the first panel in the bottom row. They tried to capture the facial expression of a man wearing a face-concealing mask. Which brings up the point that Spider-Man, as far as Maria knows, is ugly as sin underneath that mask. We know it's not true (he only looks like David Hasslehoff), but Maria doesn't.

TIL: The first panel in the bottom row.

07/09:Indeed, it WOULD be interesting to see how Peter answered...

TIL: It looks like Spider-Man is mentally contacting Mary Jane in panel three.

07/10:...if Peter actually answered and didn't just up and run away. That's not suspicious at all, Spider-Man.

TIL: Jonah's magic changing television. Either that, or he smashed it and had to buy a new one.

07/11:Now we're talking! Jonah Jameson is going to take Larry King on to see who gets to preside over the rest of the show! It's go-time! Not to mention the fact that it looks like someone is pointing a laser-gun at them. I'm sure all this mildly interesting stuff will be gone tomorrow.

Also, Spider-Man, she's a TV hostess... just take her down with some Hostess Fruit pies. (Link suggested for readers unaffected by abundant curse words.)

TIL: Old TV show host fights. OH YEAH.

Maria Lopez: Spider-Fan

Mary Jane pretty much stole what I was going to say. So instead, I'll put out two things which are much more than a fan that Maria Lopez could be:
1) Stalker
2) Air Conditioner
I apologize for the lameness of tonight's post.

TIL: Spider-Man in panel two. He looks like he's going into convulsions.

Oh, I also just found out Marvel used a snippet of a review I wrote for "Civil War Front Line" in one of their press releases. It happened nearly a year ago and I'm just finding out now. Kind of wish I hadn't been so redundant, though...
Message Board Version
IGN Version

Indepence Day Post 2007

07/03/2007:Eh, so he made it to the interview. We've had no inkling that any super-villains or ne'er-do-wells are in the studio, so we've nothing to look forward to. Perhaps Stan Lee thinks no one will be reading this week due to the holiday, and things will pick up after this week.

TIL: Spider-Man's pose in panel two.

07/04/2007:We have gone from things happening, to things happening very slowly, to people talking about things that happened weeks ago. Yes, you read that right: the strip is moving backwards. Soon, we'll be hearing about the fight with Doctor Octopus then murderous butlers and Kraven the Hunter, working our way backwards until Peter Parker is getting bitten by a radioactive spider. Oddly enough, I would actually like a recap of things past. It would be interesting to see which villains comic strip Spider-Man has faced, and which ones are still alive. Not that such a thing will happen, of course.

TIL: Spider-Man in panel one. Do you think the cameramen are cursing him right now because he can't stay in one place for more than a minute?

Also two things:
One, my new blog is up and going! Please go give it a look and tell me what you think, maybe? You can find it here.

Second, happy Independence Day to those of you living in the United States.

Hawaii

Would people in Hawaii really be able to see Maria's show? I realize the guy is probably just exaggerating, but I'm honestly curious as to how far Maria's show reaches. Is it a city-wide, maybe region-wide deal? I doubt we will ever see the answer to such a question. There's also the possibility that, given the syntax of the statement, people will be changing the channel from Maria's show to Hawaii, meaning a program about Hawaii or perhaps the state itself. Which would make things a bit more interesting, but is not something we should hold out hope for.

Also, we have a Spider-cameo in "Quigmans":
That is the oddest position I've ever seen Spider-Man in, and it looks like maybe he was drawn upside-down.

Larry King and Other Thing

06/30/2007: Is that supposed to be Larry King? Why on Earth would Larry King, a national celebrity, fill in for Jonah Jameson on a public access talk show? The thin thread suspending my disbelief has just snapped, and it's all Larry King's fault.

TIL: Well, at least it's not Jay Leno.

07/01/2007:Ah, I see where this is going! If I'm right, this whole "storyline" will actually be over pretty quickly. At least this segment of it. Spider-Man will arrive too late to actually do any sort of interview with Lopez, and everyone will have flipped to Jonah's show where Larry King is filling in. Maria Lopez will be scorned, and since Hell hath no fury, she'll go after Spider-Man. Maybe becoming a psychotic murderer, taking down everyone in her way. At least, I hope so.

TIL: It looks like Spider-Man is saying "Yeah, right" in the last panel there.