Monday, December 24, 2007

Peter Goes to the Pen

Well, I hope you all enjoyed the Blog stylings of our friend, Land Captain. As you may know, he has his own blog that you can take a look at if you want to. Today, I'd just like to say that there is no possible way Peter is going to get to the State Prison and back before Mary Jane's opening. Even if the whole trip goes off without a hitch, something will happen and his sense of responsibility will kick in forcing him to help out. We'll see how often I update over the next few days, considering how I'll no doubt be getting a bunch of new DVDs, books, and video games tomorrow. Last year, it didn't go too well, but who knows about this year? Certainly not me.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Land Captain's Departure

Well, Spider-Buddies, this is my last post for now. I hope you enjoyed my stint as a blogger here! Now, before I get all weepy-eyed, let's get this over with:

I hope your play goes well, Mary Jane. And I hope you actually make it to the play, Peter. If you don't, then I guess that means Simon Krandis is more of a threat than Doctor Octopus and the Green Goblin combined.

I'm about to get all teary-eyed, Spider-Buddies, and since this comic doesn't say anything new or anything I'd just like to wish you all happy holidays. Hope to see you all again soon!

-Land Captain

Friday, December 21, 2007

Mary Jane in a Towel

My super-hero instincts are kicking in, Spider-Buddies! Since the Persuader is pursuing Mary Jane, he'll probably be at the opening! Then Peter can use this to his advantage, and take down the Persuader and Simon Krandis in one go!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Favorite Character Poll: Round Three COMPLETE (Round Four imminent!)

Somehow the Shocker won the previous poll, edging out Doctor Octopus by two votes. Simon Krandis nabbed a vote (no doubt utilizing the Persuader to get it) and Kurt Kordok, who is famously not the Kingpin, came out of it with nothing. Serves you right, Kordok. Our next post features the various henchmen, including the comedy duo Lug and Angel:
-Lug and Angel
-The Persuader

Poll ends on Sunday, hopefully!

Good Job, Peter!

That's the spirit, Peter! Never say die!


I know Land Captain is still on the job until Sunday, but I couldn't let this strip pass without comment. I know (or at least, I'm reasonably certain) that Spider-Man has fought the Hulk in the strip. Or at least, he's claimed he's fought the Hulk before and that's good enough for me. Venom, though? Seriously Venom? Venom has not once been in this strip until today, I'm thinking, and the fact that he's in there today means something is going down.

There's the chance that someone convinced Stan Lee to put Venom in the strip, and this is the cop-out result. Or Stan Lee is trying to lure in the younger crowd (HINT: MORE ACTION, LESS GOOGLING) and put in Venom to appeal to their sensibilities with the knowledge that no one would ever know Venom actually hasn't appeared in the strip. He might also be picking and choosing parts of Spider-Man's post-Lee history to put into the strip which is problematic to say the least.

Of course, there is the possibility that Venom HAS been in the strip before. If that's the case, then for a few months, we had a slobbering murderous psychopath in the comic pages. That is something I wish I had seen.

TIL: It's always nice to see the Hulk.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Peter Parker on the Web

12/18:If I had a fancy spider-sense like Peter, it'd be going off right now because Jameson never compliments anyone without an ulterior motive. Watch out, Peter!

12/19:I don't think Peter's going to find much "dirt" on Krandis on the Internet, Spider-Buddies. Unless he's going to go after Krandis' Wikipedia entry and become embroiled in a minor web-battle with the Persuader, both editing the entry moments after the other. Maybe Spider-Man is going to start doing battle exclusively on the "web"!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Why No Police?

While I'm a strong proponent of super-hero tactics, being one myself, I have to wonder why Jameson hasn't called in the police. Surely the destruction of three trucks is worthy of a police investigation? Then again, maybe Simon Krandis has the police in his pocket! I'll bet that's it, and that's why Jameson has to bring in our favorite photojournalist to set things right.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Sad News

I've got sad news, Spider-Buddies. I'm only doing this Blog for one more week. I talked to Mike P (the guy who usually does it) and told him my troubles of next week being my busy week, and December 23rd is going to be my last day. I hope no one is too disappointed. Now, on with the show!

12/15:I think it's more like "the bads on Simon Krandis", since he's such a rotten guy.

12/16:Uh oh. While my pal Spider-Man is good at thinking with a scientific mind, he's not too good at being a detective. Let's hope he can solve this case without utilizing his fists too much.

Favorite Character Poll: Round Two COMPLETE (Round Three imminent!)

Jonah Jameson won the long-fought battle, with ten votes to Robbie Robertson's nine votes. Maybe next time, Robbie!

Our next poll features four combatants instead of the usual three:
-Doctor Octopus
-Kurt Kordok
-Simon Krandis

I added links so that those of you not in-the-know can read up on everyone before voting. This is something I should have been doing this whole time. Poll ends on Wednesday, hopefully!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Happy Holidays!

At the beginning of the week, I managed to save Hanukkah again! From different guys this time. Unfortunately, this left me in the Middle East with no passport, no money, and no way home. Also, no computer. Through an even stranger set of circumstances, however, I made it back and so here's the comics:

12/11:There's few things more entertaining than an argument between Spider-Man and Jonah Jameson, folks.

I'll answer Jameson's questions for you, Jonah:
1) It was on the news!
2) It would be the smart thing to do!

Jonah would rather lose his paper than get super-help. He's the very image of someone who helps himself, he is.

Do you know who would work really cheap (for free, even!) and is pretty darned smart most of the time? Spider-Man!

Thursday, December 13, 2007


Yikes! It would seem that Jonah and Robbie have tied! Therefore, Maria will be dropped and the poll will be restarted, ending on Saturday. Will we have a winner? I certainly hope so.

Monday, December 10, 2007

December is the Pits

I'm not one to complain about my lot in life, but December really is the pits for super-heroes, at least those of us in the north-eastern United States. It's cold, it's snowy, and every other week we have to help save Hanukkah or Christmas. Over the weekend, some madman decided to end Hanukkah early- and maybe forever! A concerned rabbi got in touch with me, though, and everything worked out in the end. Which is why I didn't comment on the weekend strips. Boy howdy, but I'm not looking forward to the few days before Christmas. In any case, here's your strips:

I'm not entirely sure I like Peter's attitude here. He used to be such a pro-active hero, and now my buddy is just going to sit around and sulk? Maybe I should go pay him a visit and give him a talking-to about super-heroics...

Ah, it's good to see Peter is doing more than sitting around and sulking! He's out getting things done. Good job, Spider-Man! You and Jameson can lick this problem together!

That's one strong window if it can support a full-grown man without falling down. I tried this once and wound up in a back brace for a month. Though maybe it's only staying up because ol' Spider-Man is just using is as leverage, and those are some physics you can take to the bank.

That's it for today's update, Spider-Buddies! I'm going to take a nice long soak in the tub, followed by a good night's sleep. Saving Hanukkah takes a lot out of a guy!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Favorite Character Poll: Round One COMPLETE (Round Two imminent!)

In the battle between Spider-Man and two women who claim to be his wives, Spider-Man won with half the votes (eleven of them!) with his actual wife in second place with nine votes. Dara Dorset managed to get two votes as well, probably because she's done with.

Our next poll concerns Spider-Man's erstwhile supporting cast, the Media!
-Jonah Jameson
-Robbie Robertson
-Maria Lopez

Who will win? The tiger, the shark, or... Robbie Robertson? Poll ends on Wednesday, with a new one going up Thursday.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Peter Gets "Burned"

I do believe that's what the kids today call a "burn". Like I said yesterday, chin up, Peter! No one likes seeing you mope about, especially not your buddy Land Captain. This off-Broadway show is probably what's best for you and Mary Jane!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

The Lazy

Hooray for you, Mary Jane! You'll get to brush up on your acting chops and not break your contract! Everyone is happy! Except for Peter. Chin up, Peter, you're hardly ever home anyway with your web-slinging super-heroics and all. At least, you shouldn't be at home... Peter, have you caught the lazy?

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

POLL: Favorite Character, Actually

I'm taking a break from my hiatus to tell you that we'll just hold a favorite character overall poll. With one exception, we'll include all the characters who have appeared more than once in the lifetime of this blog. The brackets will be as follows: (Maybe I'll put together a nifty image at some point)

Spider-Man and his Amazing Wives
-Peter Parker, the Amazing Spider-Man
-Mary Jane Watson-Parker
-Dara Dorset

The Media
-Jonah Jameson
-Maria Lopez
-Robbie Robertson

Main Villians
-Doctor Octopus
-Kurt Kordok
-Simon Krandis

Other Ne'er Do Wells
-Lug and Angel
-The Persuader

Blog Personalities
-Land Captain
-Loretta the Slave-Woman
-King of the Newspaper Jockies

Each poll will stay up for four days, meaning that the first one will come down on Saturday night, with a new one going up on Sunday and they'll keep going on like that for a while. The final poll, with each of the five winners, will go up... at the beginning of 2008, it looks like. Happy voting.

POLL: Favorite Incidental Character

Well, it looks like six of you have read this "green circle" thing and five of you haven't. That's neat, I guess. What's a green circle, anyway?

Since Mike P has left this Blog in my hands, I get to do a poll or two! Let's have a bit of a tournament, shall we? Who's your favorite incidental character from this strip? Including yours truly, of course, but don't let that sway your voting! Incidental being a relative term, of course, so we can include our pal Weasel! In fact, why just not make it favorite character who hasn't appeared in any other Spider-Man medium (comic books, movies, novels) and make this an event? Here we go!

1) Land Captain
2) Loretta the Slave-Woman
3) King of the Newspaper Jockies
4) Weasel (what a guy!)
5) Dara Dorset
6) Kurt Kordok
7) Lug and Angel (the gruesome twosome!)
8) Maria Lopez
9) Simon Krandis
10) The Persuader

Voting closes on Friday, Spider-Buddies!

Spider-Man's Gal-Pal, Mary Jane!

I was giving it some thought, Spider-Buddies, and decided that Mary Jane isn't just Spider-Man's pal, but sort of his girlfriend as well! She's Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane rolled into one package! Enough about that, though. It's good that Peter did put a button on that bracelet (I was a bit worried he had forgotten, living the life of a high-strung hero and all). Now, I just hope that Mary Jane's job offer doesn't go against her contract. Unless her contract has some sort of weird loophole that states she can't try out for parts, but can accept parts offered to her. That would be one zany contract.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


That's using the old noggin, Peter! The only thing is, how will you know when she needs you? I'm guessing you put a little button on the bracelet that activates it, otherwise you'll be answering a lot of false alarms. I hope we leave these two lovebirds alone for a day or two- it looks like they'll need their privacy.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Loretta the Slave-Woman Returns

I was looking at today's strip, Spider-Buddies, and was taken off-guard by that blond woman! My, but is she easy on the eyes! However, my keen superhero instincts grabbed my brain and said, "There's something fishy going on here, Land Captain." So I jumped back to when Mary Jane was filming her movie, and I discovered my instincts hadn't steered me wrong. If my eyes don't deceive me, that woman is none other than Mary Jane's servant, Loretta the Slave-Woman! What nefarious plot does this woman have, and what does she have against the happy union of Mary Jane and Peter Parker? She'll bear a close watching, and I guess it falls to me to watch her being a superhero and all.

Oh, and Simon Krandis should put on a shirt. No one wants to see a shirtless flabby old man, I think, and it's a sight to turn even the strongest of stomachs.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Romantic Shenanigans Ahoy!

Sorry about the posting delay, folks! Weekends are a busy time for crime, and therefore a busy time for crime-fighters. After a busy day of foiling evil schemes, it's sort of nice to read up on my buddy Spider-Man and his exploits. I wonder what heroics he's performed?

12/01:That's the way, Peter! Show that Persuader you're no wimp! I have to admit that I'm not sure what "whapped" means, though. It sure sounds like "whopped" or even "whacked". I'm thinking it's a combination of the two- a portmanteau. I knew he was a science whiz, but I guess Peter is an English whiz too!

12/02:Yikes, it looks like there's some shenanigans on the romantic front heading for our buddy Spider-Man! He should get into his costume and go after that Persuader before he gets away, though, so that the Persuader doesn't cause any more mischief. I like seeing Captain America in the strip, though. He's a class act, that Cap.

Friday, November 30, 2007

The Persuader: More than Spider-Man bargained for?

That Mary Jane certainly has a lot of spirit, standing up to that large thug like that. The Persuader looks like he's transforming into a monster in the second panel, and that might cause some trouble later! Spider-Man might have more trouble than he bargained for, he might! I doubt he'll have to worry about the Persuader figuring out his dual identity, though.

Golly, this is more difficult than I thought!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Introducing Our Guest Blogger...

Hello, folks! Land Captain here! After a stint as a character in this very comic strip, followed by random misadventures, I've finally gotten a chance to take a breather, and what happens to be in my inbox? An invitation from Mike P to guest-host this blog! Hope you like what I have to say. Now, let's take a look at today's comic strip:

There's my buddy Peter Parker, hiding behind a dumpster. He's really Spider-Man, you know. I'm sure he's just waiting for the right moment to jump out and knock that Persuader fellow out cold, especially since Mary Jane is being threatened. You know, back when I met Spider-Man in Los Angeles, he was after a large man in a suit named Kurt Kordok. Now he's going after another large man in a suit. That's an awfully big coincidence, right there, to travel across the country just to find out you'll be doing the exact same thing.

At least Maria Lopez isn't there. She's one step about super-villain in my book.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Metapost: A Bit of a Break

Day in, day out, it's the same thing. Watching Spider-Man do non-heroic things while his wife does things infinitely more heroic than him. Then there's the antagonists. When it's not a lackluster guy in a suit (who is never, ever the Kingpin) it's a super-villain who totally fails to live up to expectations. Except maybe the Shocker, because that guy is sort of low on the villain totem pole anyway. In any case, I need to get away from this monotony for a bit. Therefore, I'll be taking a bit of a break from this blog. Which is not to say that it will totally stop updating or go on hiatus or whatever. I have someone lined up to take over from tomorrow's post for a few weeks.

Hope you don't like the new guy too much.

-Mike Podgorski

Role Reversal Reversed

Mary Jane has seemingly saved Peter, but who will save Mary Jane? Will Peter do a quick-change and make short work of the Persuader? Will Peter get so caught up in keeping his dual identity a secret that he allows the Persuader to take Mary Jane (who will probably be unconscious by this point) and therefore allow Spider-Man to take down Simon Krandis and the Persuader while saving her? Or will a number of infinitely more interesting things happen? Only time will tell! (I'm banking on the second option, myself.)

TIL: The Persuader's face in panel one. It's like someone just told him he had a secret chimp hanging onto his neck or something.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Role Reversal

There's just something about seeing a superhero, even one in his secret identity, get saved by his non-powered wife. Spider-Man is going to have to a lot of heroics over the next couple of weeks to get over this.

TIL: I think the board has vanished.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Keepin' Up the Wall

11/22:Thus Peter goes from embracing his heroic responsibilities to being whiny and paranoid about his wife forgetting about him. This, ladies and gentlemen, is our amazing Spider-Man.

TIL: I'd like to think that plank in panel two is keeping that wall up.

That is pretty much the worst outfit for a rising starlet to wear to a talk show appearance. It can't be a big talk show, though, since Peter was seemingly able to waltz right in without any trouble.

TIL: The fact that we were spared a week of Peter trying to get into the studio.

Our hero finally meets the Persuader! Only time will tell what becomes of this mythic meeting.

TIL: Holy crap, Mary Jane and Peter have matching shirts. Slightly different colors, but the same style.


If Mary Jane was smart, she would use this opportunity to get the heck out of there. Or maybe hit the Persuader over the head with... that board keeping that's keeping the wall up. That could be risky, however, but perhaps preferable to seeing her husband get beaten up?

TIL: The fact that that board is back... that's the last thing I expected.

Right now you could kick him in his unmentionables. Unless the Persuader's a eunuch or wearing a cup, that would take him out and keep your secret identity safe. Granted, it's not the classiest thing to do, but in this situation it may be a decent solution.

TIL: That board... it's still there. What's with the background continuity?

POLL: Other Stuff I Do

Last week (er, two weeks ago) I asked if you thought the Persuader was more than a man or an overblown hoodlum. Here's the results:

More than a Man: 3
Overblown Hoodlum: 10

Let's hope he leaves soon. This week's poll has nothing to do with Spider-Man, but rather asks if you're reading (or have ever read) my web-comic. The answer is probably no!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The Brilliance of Simon Krandis

Simon Krandis proves he is perhaps the most brilliant criminal mind this side of Wilson Fisk. Not only has he hired a brutal thug in order to obtain a third-rate newspaper, but now he is sending this man to set up a date. This man, who was no doubt a wanted criminal before he started blowing up trucks and whatnot.

However, Simon Krandis didn't count on one thing - the Persuader draws the line at "lonely hearts stuff" and will no doubt spill the beans on Krandis's operation as soon as it's convenient. Oh Simon, you lost the loyalty of your thug in pursuit of a married woman. Thus begins the downfall of Simon Krandis.

TIL: The fact that the Persuader is actually upset with this plot.

Also, "Snuffy Smith" makes its second appearance on this Blog:It's a pretty minor cameo. However, it also bugs me. Look at that comic... the front cover should be facing away from us. And it's not one of those flip books, because then the cover would be upside down.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Backlog Unloaded

Sorry for not posting. I was moving, and boy howdy, was it ever a terrible experience which still isn't over. Anyhow, here's the backlog:

I was totally wrong about this being worth seeing.

TIL: Panel one is pretty neat, though it looks more like an apartment than a stately home.

It would be funny if the cops solved the case before Spider-Man, and at the rate Spider-Man is working, it's not out of the question.

TIL: Jonah in panel one.

Peter's jacket looks terrible. He should stick with the brown one.

TIL: The final panel, I guess.

How on Earth did Simon Krandis get to the position he is today if he develops crushes on rising starlets? Oh, wait, he has a thug. Nice to know they both think with their muscles.

TIL: Imagining what questions Mary Jane was asked to warrant that response.

"Put my plan to buy the Daily Bugle on hold, I'm in love!"

This is a terrible plot point.

TIL: Mary Jane looks vaguely like Magica DeSpell from "DuckTales".

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Yes It Can?

Jameson should really know who's out to ruin him, considering how he was so worried about the Bugle he crossed an entire country to defend it. I'm also looking forward to seeing how the Persuader scares away Jameson's advertisers. It should worth seeing.

TIL: The pressman in panel one looks like the Puppet Master (a Fantastic Four villain).

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Can Jonah's Life Get Any Worse?

From this, I'm guessing last Friday's comic had the Persuader entering the Daily Bugle building not to assault Jameson, but to sabotage the printing presses. How a man that large and tactless could get to the printing presses and sabotage them without alerting any sort of authorities is beyond me. As for the subsequent appearing across the street from Spider-Man and the King of the Newspaper Jockeys, I'm guessing there was a back door to the room the printing presses were in that the Persuader sneaked out of. I kind of wish we saw him doing that. Also, it's notable that this is pretty much the only logical thing the Persuader had done in pursuit of his goal.

Wait, trucks? More than one was blown up? When did this happen? (EDIT: It happened on November 3rd, it would seem...)

TIL: Jonah's facial expressions. Jonah Jameson is not only the King of All Media, but King of Melodrama as well.

Peter Parker (high school-era) and Aunt May made an appearance in today's "Bizarro":Thanks to the person who pointed this out to me, whose name I'm withholding because the email said the message was confidential.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Man With a Plan

It's nice to see Spider-Man actually thinking things through. Getting the Persuader to rat on Krandis is a bit iffy, but I'm sure Spider-Man could "persuade" him to do it. I'm also fairly certain Stan Lee will use that exact same pun before this storyline is done.

TIL: Not so much liked, but in panel three... it looks like Spider-Man is producing some webbing the way real spiders do. Dear god.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Well, Here's a Post

I really have nothing to say about today's strip, which is a shame. I am a bit amazed that the King of the Newspaper Jockey's stand is seemingly kept safe at night by a simple sheet. Hopefully there's locks and stuff on it as well. Hey, you think I should give the King of the Newspaper Jockeys his own tag?

TIL: The Persuader's somewhat consistent coloring.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Doin' Things Differently Today

I'm doing something a bit different with today's post, because I feel it merits it. Namely, addressing the lack of chronological continuity.

First off, here's the strip for Friday the 9th:
I'm glad to see that, even within the comic, people realize that the Persuader's tactics are less persuading and more common thuggery. I also like Robbie's labeling of the Persuader as "hoodlum." Remember that, at this point, the Persuader is entering the Daily Bugle building. In any case, onto the strip for Saturday the 10th:
It looks like we'll never know why Spider-Man decided to go to the Daily Bugle building, but there he is. Supposedly, the Persuader is just now entering the elevator to get to Jameson's office. For some reason, the Daily Bugle has really shoddy security despite the fact that weirdos in masks with super-powers are constantly barging in demanding things of Jameson, not to mention Jameson's hatred of Spider-Man.

All right, we've established that the Persuader is in the Daily Bugle building and Spider-Man is sort of hanging around and waiting for some reason, on the Daily Bugle building.

I'll ignore the fact that the Persuader thinks he could do anything to Spider-Man. Then again, Spider-Man does have some odd weakness against large men in suits. I'll also allow for Spider-Man visiting our friend, King of the Newspaper Jockeys. He's a super-hero, and he was no doubt investigating things on behalf of his employer. Instead, I'll focus on the final panel. That's the one with the Persuader in it.

The Persuader, who was just entering the Daily Bugle building mere moments ago (comic time). There's no logical reason to why he's there, other than to think threats at Spider-Man. In a physical sense, the Persuader can't be there because web-slinging is faster than walking, and even if the King of the Newspaper Jockeys was only a block or two away, the Persuader would still had to have run pretty fast (super-humanly fast, in fact) to see even part of Spider-Man's spiel. In a narrative sense, the Persuader would have been in the Bugle's elevator by the time Spider-Man even left. The Persuader wouldn't even know Spider-Man had left. What the heck?

So, what we have here is either sloppy storytelling or subtle hints that the Persuader is more than a man. Perhaps he wields some sort of precognition akin to Spider-Man's spider-sense (which, come to think of it, would be giving off minor twinges right now) that allowed him to know that Spider-Man was leaving the Daily Bugle building. If so, then we'll have to assume that the Persuader either has Olympic-level sprinting abilities (maybe he's some sort of Captain America-esque super-soldier?) or has some sort of travel-based super-power like teleportation, flight, or super-speed. If we allow for that, than the Persuader's threat against Spider-Man is perhaps a little more serious than previously thought.

Then again, maybe the Persuader has a Venom-type symbiote which would cover pretty much everything at this point.

POLL: Is the Persuader More Than A Man? (Also other stuff)

Last week's poll, in which I asked a silly question about Bil Keane, ended earlier than expected because of its silliness. The question itself was whether Mister Keane was too keen, or not keen enough? When the polls closed, it was voted 7-1 that he was not keen enough. We'll be trying to get him grindstone so he can sharpen his wits and carve more whimsical woodcuts.

This week's poll, which actually has to do with the Spider-Man comic strip, asks whether the Persuader is somehow more than a man, or just an overblown hoodlum. Voting ends next Sunday.

In the Other Stuff category, I invite you to take a look at my other stuff which doesn't update half as often as this Blog which is regrettable.

The first thing would be of interest to you, maybe, is the currently rudderless Personal Journal of the Land Captain. It's basically fan-fiction about a character who showed up in this comic strip once and had a heap of characterization dropped on him by me.

The second thing is probably the project that nearest and dearest to me, a web comic called Green Circle. It updates somewhat frequently, though not as much as I'd like. Hopefully, I'll be able to get it back on schedule by the end of the year.

The final thing is yet another blog called Third Attempt. I have no idea what that one's going to be about, as there's only one post up there right now.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Basically a Continuation of Yesterday's Post

Further proof that a better name for the Persuader would be "Extortionist" or "Blackmailer".

TIL: I still think the newspaper guy is nifty.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Subtlety, Thy Name is (Not) Persuader

Now this is just silly, yanking some guy out of his stall in front of everyone. The Persuader's going to get thrown in jail before the week is up if he keeps doing stuff like this. Also, this is how the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines "persuade":
to move by argument, entreaty, or expostulation to a belief, position, or course of action

The Persuader is doing none of that. Instead, he's just being a mindless thug doing something that's more like extortion than persuading. Unless his name is supposed to be some sort of ironic, though I doubt he has the mental capabilities to be so clever.

TIL: The newspaper salesman is neat.