Panel by Panel

Today, I'm going to break this thing down panel by panel.

Panel One: It's never a good sign when the narrator starts breaking the fourth wall like this. Especially this instance, where it seems like something from a tutorial.

Panel Two: I have never noticed that little box before, despite it apparently being in every Sunday strip. In any case, it meshes with the list that was posted a while ago with everyone who works on this strip. Alex Saviuk is still doing the Sunday strips, and Stan Lee still has a credit, probably for writing. The only name unaccounted for is "Amash" who is probably the inker or something.

Panel Three: Spider-Man is being awfully flippant that the man who helps pay his bills just got a story pulled out from under him.

Panel Four: Spider-Man should know better than to remark that his life is good, considering how whenever his life is good something happens to screw it up.

Panel Five: That's one weird-looking Maria Lopez right there.

Panel Six: Nothing to say about this panel.

Panel Seven: Oh! I know how to draw a four-sided triangle! The technique is called, I believe, "drawing a square".

TIL: Jonah in panel three. He looks like an aging Dick Tracy.

Maria Lopez in LOVE

This is the second time they've accidentally made Maria Lopez's hair red, making her look not unlike Mary Jane. Except with spikier bangs. Unfortunately, it looks like the next storyline will involve Maria Lopez trying to win Spider-Man's spoken-for heart. I hope there's more to it then that, but I doubt there will be.

Oh God. Jonah Jameson and Maria Lopez were also an item once. This does not bode well.

TIL: I actually did not like anything about today's strip. I'm sorry, but it's true.

Portly Angel

Okay, the whole storyline was worth the second panel here. I laughed for a whole minute when I saw Kurt Kordok falling from the sky like a portly angel, only to be caught (one-handed, mind you) by the Amazing Spider-Man. This, by the way, does wrap everything up in a single comic. Maria Lopez is saved, Kurt Kordok is captured (for real this time, I hope) and his getaway vehicle is grounded. The writer can move awfully fast when he wants to.

TIL: Panel two.

Henchmen and Webbing

06/05/2007:I just love the names of Kordok's henchmen. Lug, Angel, Weasel, and now Spike. They're like the seven dwarves! Except, you know, evil henchmen.

TIL: Spider-Man in panel three. I know he has some sort of plan, most likely, but it strikes me as him just showing off.

06/06/2007:Okay, now I realize Spider-Man's webbing is awfully strong, but a single strand of it holding a helicopter is a bit too much. I also don't know what the heck is going on in the second panel there. The speed lines, coupled with the lack of background, just makes it look like Kordok and Maria are dancing.

TIL: I actually like that it looks like they're dancing.

Ace in the Hole

It would be really funny if the helicopter had absolutely nothing to do with Kordok and was just flying overhead. Instead, Kordok's "Ace in the hole" was another swift punch to Spider-Man's gut. Also, Maria Lopez could probably wiggle her way out of Kordok's grip if she really wanted to.

TIL: Kordok and Maria look like young lovers in the second panel.

Disappointment

06/01/2007:When I first read this, I thought the third panel read "It's time to make my movie!" Needless to say, it does not, but things would be far more interesting if it had.

TIL: Mary Jane mugging for the camera.

06/02/2007:Aw man, I thought we were done with Kurt Kordok! Maria Lopez shows off some great compassion in panel one there, so it's a bit of instant karma that she's Kordok's next hostage. Also, if Kordok is really that dangerous, you'd think there would be more than one cop taking him in.

TIL: Not the fact that we have to deal with Kordok for another week.

06/03/2007:You know, I actually like today's comic. Not only does Spider-Man put Jonah in his place, but the next box proclaiming that things will be wrapped up? That is the best news I have ever heard. Also, it's funny that the cop Kordok knocked out went from an African-American to a Caucasian. You'd think there'd be coloring guides, but no...

TIL: The next box! Hooray!

Scooped!

This is fair, and considering how Jonah has the newspaper rights to the story, should make them both fairly happy. I know Jonah will get all angry, but that's what he gets for dealing with Maria Lopez. Also, I'm wondering if the Bugles (Jonah's newspapers) have a web-site. Such a thing would no doubt be a boon to them, and perhaps a new money-maker for Jonah.

I hope the next storyline has either the Sandman or Mysterio in it. Both would make sense, seeing as how it's a movie shoot and it's in the desert.

TIL: Jonah's look of triumph in panel one.

Finished?

Well, the villains are getting put in the slammer while the heroes are all pretty much just getting on with their lives. I would expect Weasel to get some time knocked off of his sentence since he'll no doubt turn some evidence to keep Kordok in jail. In any case, this is probably the last we'll see of the mighty Weasel and Kurt Kordok (who is not the Kingpin), unless they show up tomorrow in the recap strip.

As for Dara Dorset, she just looks so sad and traumatized by this whole experience that I feel kind of sorry for her. Spider-Man and Dara Dorset obviously feel the same way, since they're basically acting like concerned adults. Jonah, on the other hand, is filled with an ungodly rage because he lost his scoop. Perhaps this will lead to a Jameson-financed spider-foe. Unfortunately, we can rule out the Scorpion because, as far as I can tell, he's dead in this strip. Poor guy drowned years ago.

TIL: Jameson's shadow looks like a pitchfork! (Panel One)

Wrapping Up

05/25/2007:Kurt Kordok, in addition to being a criminal mastermind, is a master of the obvious. Also, this is probably thinking extra-logically, but Kordok tried to off Weasel and was obviously unsuccessful. So, in essence, wouldn't the "payback" in question have to be equally unsuccessful to be true payback? Just wondering.

TIL: Spider-Man finally doing something.

05/26/2007:How is this going to be the scoop of the century? A former flunky shot his boss. In a world where men swing from webs and use metallic tentacles to commit crimes, aren't there greater scoops to be had? Heck, Sub-Mariner has been in this strip before and he's the king of Atlantis. That alone scoops this! Granted, Spider-Man is there, but he hardly did a thing.

TIL: Jameson's face in panel two.

The Shooter: REVEALED!

I am so glad they're not dragging out this little "mystery" for a week. Such a thing would be an insult to pretty much everybody. I can't tell if Weasel looks grim or pleased about his actions, however, though I'm sure he's happy with himself. I wonder what Spider-Man will do to him, seeing as how Weasel basically just saved the day.

TIL: The fact that I was right about Weasel.

The Death of Kurt Kordok

After an eighteen-day stand-off, something happens! The question remains: who shot Kurt Kordok? Allow me to be lazy today, and answer that question:TIL: The fact that this vindicates yesterday's post.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Eighteen (WHY IS IT NOT OVER YET?)

I know I really should be worried about Spider-Man right now. I mean, that's what the writer is aiming for here: giving us a cliffhanger where someone has been shot! However, the fact that Kordok's gun clicked and then supposedly went off is making it sort of hard for me to believe that he actually shot someone. I'm pretty sure guns don't do that. Perhaps Weasel is free of his webbing, sneaked into the stadium, and shot Kordok in the back. Unless, of course, guns do click before going off in which case I guess maybe Spider-Man's been shot? Heck, they wouldn't end the strip with another blockbuster movie still in theaters.

TIL: All the cops sitting around waiting in the third panel, and the one who shouts "Gunfire!" especially. He's keen.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Seventeen (Hostage Crisis Day Four)

Come on, Kordok. Spider-Man can just jump around or something. You'll never beat him, no matter how many hostages you take. As for Jonah Jameson, well, he sometimes gets like that when it looks like the wall-crawler is going down. Basically, whenever Jonah isn't the one who paid for the person putting him down, or is vouching public support for the person putting Spider-Man down. I think there's a theory going around that Jonah merely harps on Spider-Man so that the hero will keep doing his best, and Spider-Man sort of looks to Jonah as a surrogate father-figure whom he can never please. Oh, and Spider-Man? You should have said "You shouldn't have come back, Dara". After all, she was kidnapped and forced to come to the stadium.

TIL: Jonah's facial expression in panel three. You know, the only panel he's in today.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Sixteen (Hostage Crisis Day Three)

At least this explains why Dara Dorset was hiding in the boxes. We all know Spider-Man's not going to die any time soon, so I'm guessing the shots in question will either hit Maria Lopez, Dara Dorset, or nobody. Also, I was excited when I read the word "kingdom" last panel... I thought it was going to say the "Kingpin". That's kind of sad.

TIL: The purple aura around Spider-Man's head. Is Doctor Strange here to help?

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Fifteen (Hostage Crisis Day Two)

Kurt Kordok can collect countless captives currently. Or, he could just shoot Spider-Man while he's talking and end this whole thing now. Seriously, just web up the gun, knock him out, and everything will be okay. There's no need to drag this out for another week.

TIL: The ghostly cameraman in panel one.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Fourteen (Enter: THE MEDIA)

"Who was that hostage I saw you with last night?"
"That was no hostage, that was my wife!"

That's all that's been running through my head since I read this. Maria Lopez and Jonah are probably just going to distract Kordok long enough for Spider-Man to whisk Dara Dorset to safety, followed by a solid left hook to Kordok's chin. This will knock the crime lord out and pretty much end the Kordok thing. I hope. Then we can go on to the next storyline!

My hope: Peter travels to the desert to be with Mary Jane (despite her only being there for a supposed week), only to find that filming has been stopped due to freak sandstorms. Peter dons his costume to investigate (Spider-Man in the desert. Fun.) and discovers the Sandman (I don't know if he's been in this strip before) causing trouble.

What'll Really Happen: Spider-Man tangles with some other nameless slob we don't care about and gripes about missing Mary Jane. Also, marital trouble stemming from the whole Dara Dorset thing, maybe.

Wait a sec, aren't there police all around the stadium? How did Maria and Jonah get in?

TIL: Jonah Jameson in panel three.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Days Twelve and Thirteen

05/16/2007:Yeah, I remember the last time Spider-Man let some crooks get away. What happened then? What? The crook broke into Spider-Man's house and shot his Uncle Ben, driving Spider-Man into a life of altruism citing that the experience had taught him that with great power comes great responsibility? I mean, it's not like Spider-Man knew the cops were there or anything, and it's not like Kordok is going anywhere.

TIL: Lug in panel two. He looks so surprised.

05/17/2007:How did Dara Dorset get there? The last we saw, she was running out of the stadium, not into a bunch of boxes. Also, Spider-Man could still web-jam Kordok's popgun and make it to Dara Dorset in time. He does have the proportionate agility of a spider, after all. Wait, how did Kordok know Dara was there in the first place? I hope this all ends soon, because it's making my head hurt.

TIL: Dara Dorset has been stricken with terminal surprise.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Eleven (Featuring the WORST THUGS EVER)

So far we've seen five guys in Kurt Kordok's employ. Weasel, Lug, Angel, and two unnamed thugs. Weasel is easily the most competent of the trio, evidenced by the fact that he has his own wardrobe and quite neatly fits the "Sniveling Assistant" mold. While the only job we've seen him do is kidnap Dara Dorset, he did complete his task. Yes, Dara Dorset got bruised, but at least she arrived at Kordok's hideout intact. Yes, Weasel has betrayed his former master, but at least he's still alive.

Lug and Angel, on the other hand, fit the incompetent henchman mold. They dress in identical suits and have botched every job they've had. We've seen them fail to hit Jonah Jameson with a videotape, fail to make sure Weasel has slept with the fishes, and just generally screw up this whole thing with Spider-Man. The only remarkable thing about them is that Angel's hair color has changed from gray to light brown. The other two thugs were just common criminals, but were scared enough of Kordok to ensure their silence.

As for today's strip, it just further reinforces that Lug and Angel are the worst thugs ever. I hope Weasel is waiting for them with a crowbar and a snide grimace.

TIL: Lug and Angel finishing each other's sentences, as shown in panel three. Isn't that just so cute?

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Ten

Yep, he just pulled the "proportionate strength of a spider" card. Also, while Spider-Man's comment is rather witty (if nonsensical) I doubt they have reading material about super-heroes in prisons. Imagine if you will a world where the prisons are stocked with editions of the "Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe" and "Who's Who in the DC Universe". Also imagine that this proverbial world is filled with those very same people who are featured in those books. Now imagine the riots that would break out due to the prisoners having to read books about those who put them away, and the increase in costumed crusader casualties because the prisoners found out their weaknesses and whatnot. It'd be crazy, is what it'd be. Also, I know this is not what they're talking about, but I couldn't resist posing the hypothetical.

TIL: Kordok's retort in the third panel. The man can't beat Spider-Man verbally or physically, it seems.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Days Seven Through Nine

05/11/2007:How exactly does HQ know Kordok has a hostage? They don't really know for sure, they're just guessing. They should send at least one guy in to make sure it's true, then they should rest on their laurels.

TIL: The thug looks like a classic hunchbacked lab-assistant.

05/12/2007:Okay, so let me get this straight: Spider-Man puts Kordok in prison for five years, and so Kordok is going to blow his brains out. This is fair? A better line for that panel would have been: WITH INTEREST! Cliched, yes, but effective nonetheless. It doesn't matter in any case, because Spider-Man is just going to... well, just keep reading. Also, Spider-Man's red-eye in panel two is sort of creepy.

TIL: The fact that I doubt Kordok's facial expression has really changed at all since we first met him. He always has that toothy grimace thing going. Was it the result of an experiment gone horribly wrong that gave him enhanced strength but removed the ability to control his mouth muscles? I seriously hope so, but doubt we'll ever find out.

05/13/2007:Well, look at that. Spider-Man busted out of the chains. I'm sure no one saw that coming. Also, who's to say that Kordok would recognize Peter Parker? The man may have some sort of name-recognition from his marriage and photojournalism career, but I doubt anyone but the most die-hard stalker would know what he looked like.

TIL: Vindication in the last panel there. Also, that is one verbose NEXT box.