Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Hodge-Podge

You're supposed to starve a fever and feed a cold, Mary Jane. Seriously. No wonder you're a model/actress/whatever and not a nurse. I know it's just some... triangles and coffee, but still.

Hey, you know how they could take care of the Vulture? Set up something on a rooftop, and put a sniper on a nearby rooftop. Wait for the Vulture to swoop in, and wham, a bullet right in the Vulture's face. He'd have no choice but to go back to jail to get medical attention. Oh, and while he was in there, Lefty could shank him for abandoning him, ending the menace of Blackie Drago forever.

The next storyline will no doubt feature Spider-Man matching wits with a meter maid who keeps putting tickets on Mary Jane's new car (which she will get). There will be little action, and will instead be a battle of wits between Spider-Man and the meter maid. Jameson will mention how Spider-Man is interfering with justice no less than fifteen times, but be dismissed as a crotchety old man despite being completely correct. In the end, it'll turn out that the whole thing is a scam because the meter maid is really a gangster's moll who is using phony tickets to bring in some extra cash.

Sadly, what's really going to happen is probably going to be worse than that.

9 comments:

jvwalt said...

Well, considering that this week's household income (unemployed actress, underpaid freelance photographer) is a stinkin' 25 bucks, all they can afford for breakfast is "triangles." But if they're really interested in economizing, they could cancel the damn paper and read it online like everybody else under 50.

Anonymous said...

Out of curiousity, how did Jameson get a pic of the Vulture? I thought that was why he paid Peter so little...

dlauthor said...

Back when they both had regular-paying jobs, Peter and MJ could afford to put pentagons on the table. Then she quit the play, and her movie went direct-to-DVD, and they had to downshift to rectangles. Now this.

God, they'll be down to circles soon. And after that, lines -- and those really aren't very substantial at all.

Aaron T. said...

Notice that while Peter's cup of Postum is on a dainty china saucer (probably inherited from Great Aunt May, Sr.), they can't even afford a plate for his breakfast triangles.

I've wondered what lucrative careers Peter could set his Spider-Skills to. Movie stuntman? Bodyguard? Crash-test dummy? Or he could be quite a successful chemical engineer, given that he invented super-strong web fluid while still in high school.

Tommy said...

I was thinking the same thing about that Vulture pic. The only thing I could come up with, was that it was an old picture being re-used.


And here's some funny info. for ya, Aaron. Years ago, the strip tackled that issue and Pete ended up being in the circus as 'The Great Parkerini'.

I forget how that story ended, but I'm pretty sure the knife-throwing guy was jealous of Pete or something.

Maybe I'll do a couple scans of it and post it at Mike's Meekrat forum sometime.

Mike P said...

Peter (well, Spider-Man) was also summoned to Hollywood once to be a stuntman.

Bill the SPlut said...

Since Superhero Crimefighter pays nothing, Peter could join the police force and draw an actual salary. He'd only be dealing with burglars and murderers instead of guys who have all the powers of an ultralight airplane like the Vulture. But wasn't his inspiration to fight crime his guilt over Uncle Ben being murdered by a murdering burglar during a burglary? It just seems like there'd be more job satisfaction.

Mary Jane is a washed-up movie star, and thus could get her own reality show. Or at least do late night informercials for the Amazing Ronco Breakfast TriangloMatic.

The Vulture's powers are so lame that his robberies depend on bags of gems being transported in helicopters that don't have doors and piloted by guys who freak out when he shoulders the chopper, forgetting that they can certainly fly faster than some dork dressed as Big Bird. He could make more money as bikeless bike courier.

Aesop said...

How does the Daily Bugle stay in business with editorials on the front page consisting solely of a headline and two pictures?

Anonymous said...

Maybe not in America, but the editorially-loaded headline taking up the entire front page is something of a trademark for the Independent http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Independent