Metapost: Our Current Cast

In case you're coming here late, let me give you the low-down on our cast:

Spider-Man/Peter Parker: The star of the strip. He has the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a spider with fancy web-shooters. However, he's also quite whiny and frequently throws hissy-fits. He is currently under fire for having an affair with Mary Jane Watson-Parker, and will soon have problems with Dana Dorset and Kurt Kordok. Recently engaged in battle with Doctor Octopus. As Peter Parker, he works for Jonah Jameson despite being a free-lancer.

Mary Jane Watson-Parker: Once a model, then a computer salesgirl, and now a famous starlet. She is married to Peter Parker, as you could have guessed. She is currently shooting a superhero film called "Marvella" on location, but she'll soon be back. Recently, she clocked Doctor Octopus with a camera.

John Jonah Jameson: Peter Parker's boss, and owner of the Daily Bugle and Los Angeles Bugle. He followed Spider-Man to Los Angeles, and after engaging in a brief fling with Maria Lopez, decided to stay in LA for the time being. He has his own television show called "My Way" and an irrational hatred of Spider-Man. Also, he looks like Adolf Hitler.

Maria Lopez: Jameson's one-time romantic interest. She's a television personality who is pro-Spider-Man, but seems to really only care about using rumors about him to further her own career.

Kurt Kordok: A crime boss who has a history with Spider-Man, and may or may not be Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin of Crime. He is excessively paranoid and is plotting against Spider-Man.

Dara Dorset: She recently showed up and told Jameson she was Spider-Man's wife.

Doctor Octopus: When his metallic tentacles were fused to him in a nuclear accident, he went insane and started rampaging, sparking a rivalry with the amazing Spider-Man. When the web-slinger arrived in Los Angeles, Doctor Octopus surmised that the hero had come to apprehend him. Doc Ock broke several television sets before being knocked out with a camera.

Land Captain: He showed up once and then started a blog. Whereabouts currently unknown, but he is pretty nifty.

There you have it: the world of the Amazing Spider-Man where the villains are paranoid, the hero is whiny, and the media just wants to make a quick buck!