Woman-Slave

Mary Jane's... woman-slave looks a lot like Dara Dorset. Probably won't go anywhere, but there might be a scam there. In any case, the thing on television will most likely be the Jameson/Dorset interview, in which case why would Mary Jane be interested in it? Has she proclaimed a love or healthy respect for Spider-Man during the movie shoot, leading the woman-slave to wake her in order to see an interview involving him? Only tomorrow will tell.

Also, is the woman-slave wearing a trench-coat? That's just weird. Is she planning on flashing Mary Jane or something?

Misplaced Optimism

THIS WEEK ON SPIDER-MAN: The sinister Kurt Kordok makes threats at a television! Will he smash it, as Spider-Man villains usually do? Also, Dara Dorset's optimism is sorely misplaced. The people who would mess with you are the same people who would mess with Spider-Man. People with metallic tentacles, scorpion tails, and who are generally more than human beings can handle. With the exception of the Chameleon, any villain could tear you apart, Miss Dorset. Seeing as how the Chameleon was taken down on two separate occasions by Mary Jane and Aunt May (getting into the comic book here), you might be able to take him down. Kurt Kordok is not the Chameleon, however.

I really hope that gun discharges and breaks the television. That would make everyone so much better.

SIGH.

I really wish they would just get on with it already.

Sunday Coloring

Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to feast your eyes on the Sunday strip. The weekday strips are made in black and white, and colored seemingly at a whim by those referred to as "coloring drones". It's really a mercy that Spider-Man keeps his familiar red and blue costume during the week. On Sundays, however, it's a different story. On Sundays, the coloring is more official and in most cases is the definitive coloring for the characters. (Case in point: the coloring drones color Charlie Brown's shirt red during the week. What sort of nonsense is that?) Where I'm going with this is that Kurt Kordok is wearing the same colors as the Kingpin.

Also, I liked last week's "NEXT" blurb infinitely more than this week's. Then again, how can you top "Too Many Wives?"

Vindication

I said the following on Wednesday:
"Kurt Kordok is going to see the Dara Dorset interview, then he'll send his men to kidnap the supposed wife of Spider-Man in order to draw the web-slinger out and finish him."
It's nice to be vindicated once in a while. I would also like to note that... well, Peter used to think things through. He's a scientist, after all, designing his web-shooters and whatnot. At some point over the past decade or though, however, he's become more and more idiotic and rash. It could come from the stress of juggling a double identity, constantly getting punched in the head, or even the impossible standards he once held himself to. I feel kind of sorry for the guy, but it's pretty much his own fault.

Doctored Photos

It might not even be doctored. Dara Dorset might have just had a guy dress up like Spider-Man for the picture. If it was doctored, however, then it would be pretty easy to disprove it. Just go along with Miss Dorset until she takes you back to her apartment, then hop on her computer and find the undoctored photos. How do I know she'll have a computer with the untouched photos on it? They always have the computer.

Spider-Man Takes the Big Risks

If Peter really cared about this he'd swing on down to the television station and offer a live rebuttal. Instead, he'll just sit around shouting at the television. That's why he's a superhero and you're not: he takes the big risks.

Theories and Pleadings

This is really moving at a glacial pace right now. At least Dara Dorset realizes Peter is in Los Angeles as well. Peter, who is being his usually whiny self... I just realized what's probably to probably happen. Kurt Kordok is going to see the Dara Dorset interview, then he'll send his men to kidnap the supposed wife of Spider-Man in order to draw the web-slinger out and finish him.

Stan Lee, you used to be so good at the comics writing. It's not that you're bad, but if someone read this and one of the early "Amazing Spider-Man" comics, they would be hard-pressed to see any similarities in the writing. Please regain your talent, Mister Lee. Stamp your wooden staff on the ground or shout "SHAZAM!" or whatever you have to do. Go see the Ancient One, if that's what it takes: just regain the talent you had for writing good, exciting comics. Please?

Dara Dorset: Aspiring Actress?

There are two possibilities with Miss Dorset: either she's an actress who is after the quick fame that supposedly being Spider-Man's wife will bring (along with the inevitable scandal when everyone finds out it's not true) or, as both J.V. Walt and myself have hypothesized, she's somehow in league with Kurt Kordok, brought in to distract Spider-Man from something the gangster. In any case, if she is an actress, I'm guessing she was in the sorts of movies Roger Corman used to make. I'm also interested in seeing what proof Dorset has to support her claim.

Also, what's with Peter in panel three? He's getting awfully stressed out about this woman. Surely Mary Jane knows Peter wouldn't cheat on her, even if the rest of the world does not.

"Too Many Wives!" Monday Recap

It looks like Jameson is leering at Dara Dorset's chest. We now have two plot-lines going:

-The Revenge of Kurt Kordok
-Too Many Wives

I'm guessing they're going to intersect sometime before March. It will be interesting to see how Peter deals with this. After all, he hasn't been the smartest hero as of late, and this problem will take more brains than brawn to resolve. At least if Peter wants to deal with this tactfully. If not, then violence would be a viable answer.

Too Many Wives!

Spider-Man's attitude about the interview is delusional: we all saw it, it obviously sucked. Also, how exactly did Maria Lopez asking questions about Mary Jane take Spidey's mind off of her? You'd think that would actually aggravate matters. Peter also looks surprisingly like a caveman in the bottom middle panel. I love the "NEXT" box in the last panel though. It reminds me of a silly 1960's comedy movie.

Metapost: Tagline

I think this blog needs itself a tag-line. Unfortunately, I am terrible at making up tag-lines, which explains why this blog doesn't really have one. Please help?

Maria Lopez: INDIGNANT

Your interview with Spider-Man sucked, Miss Lopez. Luckily for Glasses McGee there, Jonah Jameson got a bigger story than you, otherwise he would have had to told you how much it sucked. Jameson looks positively ecstatic about his exclusive, though. Who is that watching the interview in the second panel, though? Common sense says Maria Lopez, coloring says Mary Jane. It can't be Mary Jane, because first and foremost, she's off in the desert somewhere. I doubt "LA My Way" is broadcasting anywhere outside of the greater Los Angeles area. Number two, while the strip can be loopy sometimes, I doubt they'd switch from Glasses telling Maria about Jameson's interview to Mary Jane's reaction shot.

Metapost: Our Current Cast

In case you're coming here late, let me give you the low-down on our cast:

Spider-Man/Peter Parker: The star of the strip. He has the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a spider with fancy web-shooters. However, he's also quite whiny and frequently throws hissy-fits. He is currently under fire for having an affair with Mary Jane Watson-Parker, and will soon have problems with Dana Dorset and Kurt Kordok. Recently engaged in battle with Doctor Octopus. As Peter Parker, he works for Jonah Jameson despite being a free-lancer.

Mary Jane Watson-Parker: Once a model, then a computer salesgirl, and now a famous starlet. She is married to Peter Parker, as you could have guessed. She is currently shooting a superhero film called "Marvella" on location, but she'll soon be back. Recently, she clocked Doctor Octopus with a camera.

John Jonah Jameson: Peter Parker's boss, and owner of the Daily Bugle and Los Angeles Bugle. He followed Spider-Man to Los Angeles, and after engaging in a brief fling with Maria Lopez, decided to stay in LA for the time being. He has his own television show called "My Way" and an irrational hatred of Spider-Man. Also, he looks like Adolf Hitler.

Maria Lopez: Jameson's one-time romantic interest. She's a television personality who is pro-Spider-Man, but seems to really only care about using rumors about him to further her own career.

Kurt Kordok: A crime boss who has a history with Spider-Man, and may or may not be Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin of Crime. He is excessively paranoid and is plotting against Spider-Man.

Dara Dorset: She recently showed up and told Jameson she was Spider-Man's wife.

Doctor Octopus: When his metallic tentacles were fused to him in a nuclear accident, he went insane and started rampaging, sparking a rivalry with the amazing Spider-Man. When the web-slinger arrived in Los Angeles, Doctor Octopus surmised that the hero had come to apprehend him. Doc Ock broke several television sets before being knocked out with a camera.

Land Captain: He showed up once and then started a blog. Whereabouts currently unknown, but he is pretty nifty.

There you have it: the world of the Amazing Spider-Man where the villains are paranoid, the hero is whiny, and the media just wants to make a quick buck!

Mrs. Spider-Man

I did not see this comic, and it could be interesting, though I admit I'd like to know what kind of proof Miss Dorset has. Does she have a marriage license with the word "Spider-Man" in the "Groom" slot or however those are arranged? Perhaps Dorset is actually an agent of Kurt Kordok, sent to make sure the web-slinger has his mind on other things? Also, this was the premise of one of the episodes of the short-lived live-action "The Tick" television series. Just throwing that out there.

Kurt Kordok: Paranoid

Kurt Kordok is certainly paranoid. Right now, Spider-Man only knows that there is, indeed, a crime boss in Los Angeles. As long as Kordok doesn't do anything to draw attention to himself, Spider-Man will forget about him. Of course, now Kordok is going to start an all-out war against Spider-Man (no doubt involving Mary Jane) which will end in his swift defeat. The only question left is this: Is Kordok a new guy, or the Kingpin in disguise? Hopefully we'll get answers soon.

Spider-Man: Superhero (With Good Reason)

Spider-Man can deal with super-villains on a regular basis, construct web-shooters out of household materials, and concoct incredibly strong webbing out of common chemicals. He cannot, however, deal with a gossiping interviewer. At least he usually plays to his strengths. Meanwhile, the strip's date jumps to February 14th, meaning that Peter Parker refused to travel to an exotic locale with his wife not a week before Valentine's Day. My comments at the start of this post are valid there, too. I like Mary Jane is regretting her choice to shoot her movie, too. Nothing like following your dream to get you down, eh, Mary Jane?

The Interview Continues

I'm sure this interview is just amazingly interesting to the people watching it in the strip, but what about us? We know all of this, and all we're doing is watch Spider-Man try to lie his way through it. While that is somewhat entertaining, I'd rather have something actually happening. On another note, you'd think Mary Jane's "Marvella" headband thing would keep her bangs out of her face.

Convenience

If a super-villain attacked right now, that'd be really convenient. Also, doesn't Maria Lopez have chairs for the people she interviews? Perhaps Spider-Man is just being stubborn and refusing to sit down.

Gossip

Ah, so we're at this again. On one hand, we have Maria Lopez, who is seemingly pro-Spider-Man but is most likely pro-gossip, and the juiciest tidbit in town is the Spider-Man/Mary Jane affair. On the other hand, we have Jonah Jameson who is anti-Spider-Man (and most other costumed heroes) but, other than that, is a decent newsman who wouldn't stoop so low to such gossip. Also, he knows Peter Parker is in Los Angeles with Mary Jane. I hope Jameson's in the audience of the talk show (not the first time he'd do something like this) and sets Maria Lopez straight on this whole thing.

Doomed to Repeat

I have a trade paperback (re: collection of comics) called "Spider-Man's Greatest Enemies" or some such nonsense. One story features him going to a talk show appearance, only to be attacked by Electro. The thing is the host of the comic book talk show pretty much used the exact same dialog Maria Lopez is using here. I expect someone to attack the studio in this story, too.

Identity: Confirmed?

A few years ago in the strip, a guy rigged up suction cups he could use to climb on walls like Spider-Man. Likewise, Mysterio managed to duplicate all of Spider-Man's wall-climbing skills in his first appearance. So this really shouldn't be enough to sway the security guard to let Spider-Man enter the building. Then again, I don't really expect the guy to really care all that much. If anything happens, it'll be blamed on Spider-Man.

Premonition

Tomorrow's strip will feature that poor security guard clutching his chest and dying of a heart attack. Nice going, Spidey.

Spider-Man's Temper Tantrum

Peter is throwing another hissy-fit. He has a lot of those. Perhaps I should start filtering them. Here's an idea: why not ask when she'll not be busy, or ask them to have her call you when she's done? Mary Jane obviously wants to talk to you, and though that blond is hardcore stereotyping men right there and planting doubts in MJ's mind, nothing will change that. Obviously, though, the interview tonight is only going to exacerbate matters. Chances are Lopez is going to steal a kiss from Spider-Man, Mary Jane will see, and everyone is going to be in a terrible mood. Poor Land Captain cannot help (see his blog for details on that) and we're not even going to mention Kurt Kordok who, if he is the Kingpin in disguise, will no doubt have about seventy plans laid out by now to ensnare Spider-Man.

A Mystery

Hey, do you think Spider-Man is going to be interviewed later in the storyline? I'm not sure, the past few comics hinted at something like that, but do they have to be so vague? I guess we'll just have to wait and see, eh?

Internet

Well, a slow Monday. Just a recap of yesterday, or more precisely something letting us know what happened yesterday. In case, you know, we didn't get a Sunday paper. Luckily, in the age of the Internet, we don't need to worry about that. Thank you, Internet!

Ramblin'

Maria Lopez is being remarkably flippant with someone who could, without much effort, tear her in half. Then again, I suppose she realizes that if Spider-Man never decided to kill Jonah Jameson, then she's in the clear to make as many flippant remarks as she wants. I like how Spider-Man just lifts up a newspaper there, as if his curiosity regarding its contents just couldn't wait until he was done talking with Maria. Also his blatant destruction of it and littering in the final two panels. I do not like Maria's smugness in the final panel, however.

100th Comic Post

Well, if you discount all the metaposts, this is the hundredth post! It looks like Spider-Man is going to be on television. Chances are Jonah will bust in during the interview and start ranting about how much of a menace Spider-Man is, or Kurt Kordok will realize that this would be the perfect time to strike. In short, Spider-Man's spider-sense should be tingling right now because there's no way he's getting out of this unscathed.

Metapost: Land Captain's Blog

Our friend Land Captain has a blog of his very own! Click on the above image to go to it.

The Land Captain

Spider-Man has a new ally in the war against crime: The Land Captain! Dressed like a rich guy with a yacht, the Land Captain patrols the streets of Los Angeles looking for perps! Spider-Man obviously wants to befriend this fellow costumed crusader, as right off the bat he tells the Land Captain that his friends call him Spidey. He also boosts the good Captain's confidence in the second panel. Maria Lopez is not interested in the poor neglected Land Captain, however: she has eyes only for Spidey.

I don't suppose we'll ever see the Land Captain again, but one can hold out hope. Godspeed, Land Captain!

WTF?

How on Earth did they not notice their car coming off its axle and sliding onto the pavement? Surely one of them would have felt the sudden jolt, and looked out the window to see what happened. How did Spider-Man pull this off, anyway? While his webbing is purportedly quite strong, it probably wouldn't survive something like the situation above. In any case, all those men should at least have whiplash, if not broken necks. Hopefully tomorrow's strip will less... well, less stupid.