The Big Catch-Up, Week Three: The Author of this Blog is a Lazy Jerk?

With this set of strips, our hero confronts the nefarious Shocker in a battle to end all battles! Also, the today's lesson segment will take a brief vacation for reasons known only to it.

09/08:
Oh, like no one saw him change and swing away! Especially since he swung RIGHT OVER THEIR HEADS. The only way this could work is if all those fans have super-human focus on Mary Jane.

TIL: It looks like Peter is getting punched in the face in panel one.

09/09:

That action figure looks quite shoddy. Unless it's a doll, in which case it looks pretty decent. That guy in the third panel of the second row, however, looks like a creepy pervert. That, my friends, is the worst kind of pervert. Also: who's talking in the last panel? Following the narrative leads us to believe it's Spider-Man, whom by this point is blocks away. Common sense dictates that it can't be him, since he is blocks away and it's a speech bubble, not a thought bubble. Unless, of course, he has the proportionate ventriloquism skill of a spider.

TIL: The fact that the fan has destroyed the Marvella action figure's Mint-In-Box status and will soon forfeit its pretty-decent-still status by having someone write on it. Why couldn't she have just had Mary Jane sign the box it came in?

09/10:
The police in Beverly Hills are so highly trained, it would seem, that they instinctively know which mansion is being robbed. They have mansion-sense.

TIL: The cop tossing out his donut. HA HA, COMEDY GOLD!

09/11:
First off, I am sick to death of Stan Lee using the "WHILE..." narration box. It should be "meanwhile," darn it! "While" doesn't look OR sound right, though I'm unsure as to whether or not it's accepted by most people as an able substitute for "meanwhile."

Secondly, I like how they finally explained how Spider-Man was getting around California without the aid of skyscrapers.

TIL:...aw jeez. I kind of did this in the actual post.

09/12:
As if we need any more proof that Maria Lopez is a freaking maniac, she appears today with a manic look on her face speeding after Spider-Man. While she is a reporter, one must wonder what makes her and Jonah go after super-villains. Don't they have any sort of pattern recognition skills? It never goes well for them.

TIL: The disembodied hands steering the car in panel three.

09/13:
...Dara Dorset? What are the odds?!

TIL: The first panel is delightfully hard to interpret. Did Shocker bust through an outside fence to get to an outside pool, or a wall to get to an indoor pool? Only Stan Lee knows for sure.

09/14:Again? I don't think there was ever a time when the Shocker beat Spider-Man. Shocker also proves he's still awfully slow on the uptake. Why the heck else would Spider-Man be there, you bozo?

TIL: The Shocker's refusal to let go of his loot. Now that's dedication.

Panel by Panel

Today, I'm going to break this thing down panel by panel.

Panel One: It's never a good sign when the narrator starts breaking the fourth wall like this. Especially this instance, where it seems like something from a tutorial.

Panel Two: I have never noticed that little box before, despite it apparently being in every Sunday strip. In any case, it meshes with the list that was posted a while ago with everyone who works on this strip. Alex Saviuk is still doing the Sunday strips, and Stan Lee still has a credit, probably for writing. The only name unaccounted for is "Amash" who is probably the inker or something.

Panel Three: Spider-Man is being awfully flippant that the man who helps pay his bills just got a story pulled out from under him.

Panel Four: Spider-Man should know better than to remark that his life is good, considering how whenever his life is good something happens to screw it up.

Panel Five: That's one weird-looking Maria Lopez right there.

Panel Six: Nothing to say about this panel.

Panel Seven: Oh! I know how to draw a four-sided triangle! The technique is called, I believe, "drawing a square".

TIL: Jonah in panel three. He looks like an aging Dick Tracy.

Maria Lopez in LOVE

This is the second time they've accidentally made Maria Lopez's hair red, making her look not unlike Mary Jane. Except with spikier bangs. Unfortunately, it looks like the next storyline will involve Maria Lopez trying to win Spider-Man's spoken-for heart. I hope there's more to it then that, but I doubt there will be.

Oh God. Jonah Jameson and Maria Lopez were also an item once. This does not bode well.

TIL: I actually did not like anything about today's strip. I'm sorry, but it's true.

Disappointment

06/01/2007:When I first read this, I thought the third panel read "It's time to make my movie!" Needless to say, it does not, but things would be far more interesting if it had.

TIL: Mary Jane mugging for the camera.

06/02/2007:Aw man, I thought we were done with Kurt Kordok! Maria Lopez shows off some great compassion in panel one there, so it's a bit of instant karma that she's Kordok's next hostage. Also, if Kordok is really that dangerous, you'd think there would be more than one cop taking him in.

TIL: Not the fact that we have to deal with Kordok for another week.

06/03/2007:You know, I actually like today's comic. Not only does Spider-Man put Jonah in his place, but the next box proclaiming that things will be wrapped up? That is the best news I have ever heard. Also, it's funny that the cop Kordok knocked out went from an African-American to a Caucasian. You'd think there'd be coloring guides, but no...

TIL: The next box! Hooray!

Mary Jane Returns?!

Today we have Spider-Man being a jerk (have at least some token pity for the man who buys your photos!) and Maria Lopez and Dara Dorset becoming "friends". We also have something that caught me pretty much completely off-guard: the return of Mary Jane! No doubt she'll get in there to have a marital spat with Spider-Man, only to have Dara say, "Yeah, I lied about that". Of course, then Jonah and Maria will wonder why Mary Jane cares so much if Spider-Man is married. Either they'll put two and two together (unlikely) or it'll just become more grist for the gossip mill.

TIL: How Mary Jane is drawn in the third panel.

Exploitation

I like how Maria Lopez is shamefully exploiting someone who just went through a terrible ordeal. Sure, Dara Dorset is going to reap most of the rewards, but it's still pretty crummy of Maria.

TIL: Spider-Man in panel three. In my head, I hear a trumpet doing that three-note thing, followed by a circle closing in over his face accompanied by the "Looney Tunes" theme.

Ah, "Edison Lee" mentioned Spider-Man again. I find this one fairly painless, but I still hate "Edison Lee" as a whole.

Boo hoo.

The person Dara should be apologizing to most is our buddy Weasel. She screwed up his life the most, and nearly got him killed. Compared to that, claiming to be Spider-Man's wife is a minor nuisance. Luckily, though, all this will allow Mary Jane to sleep peacefully at night as long as Loretta the Slave-Woman doesn't do anything to upset her.

TIL: Spider-Man in panel two. He has no idea what to do from here.

Finished?

Well, the villains are getting put in the slammer while the heroes are all pretty much just getting on with their lives. I would expect Weasel to get some time knocked off of his sentence since he'll no doubt turn some evidence to keep Kordok in jail. In any case, this is probably the last we'll see of the mighty Weasel and Kurt Kordok (who is not the Kingpin), unless they show up tomorrow in the recap strip.

As for Dara Dorset, she just looks so sad and traumatized by this whole experience that I feel kind of sorry for her. Spider-Man and Dara Dorset obviously feel the same way, since they're basically acting like concerned adults. Jonah, on the other hand, is filled with an ungodly rage because he lost his scoop. Perhaps this will lead to a Jameson-financed spider-foe. Unfortunately, we can rule out the Scorpion because, as far as I can tell, he's dead in this strip. Poor guy drowned years ago.

TIL: Jameson's shadow looks like a pitchfork! (Panel One)

The Shooter: REVEALED!

I am so glad they're not dragging out this little "mystery" for a week. Such a thing would be an insult to pretty much everybody. I can't tell if Weasel looks grim or pleased about his actions, however, though I'm sure he's happy with himself. I wonder what Spider-Man will do to him, seeing as how Weasel basically just saved the day.

TIL: The fact that I was right about Weasel.

The Death of Kurt Kordok

After an eighteen-day stand-off, something happens! The question remains: who shot Kurt Kordok? Allow me to be lazy today, and answer that question:TIL: The fact that this vindicates yesterday's post.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Eighteen (WHY IS IT NOT OVER YET?)

I know I really should be worried about Spider-Man right now. I mean, that's what the writer is aiming for here: giving us a cliffhanger where someone has been shot! However, the fact that Kordok's gun clicked and then supposedly went off is making it sort of hard for me to believe that he actually shot someone. I'm pretty sure guns don't do that. Perhaps Weasel is free of his webbing, sneaked into the stadium, and shot Kordok in the back. Unless, of course, guns do click before going off in which case I guess maybe Spider-Man's been shot? Heck, they wouldn't end the strip with another blockbuster movie still in theaters.

TIL: All the cops sitting around waiting in the third panel, and the one who shouts "Gunfire!" especially. He's keen.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Seventeen (Hostage Crisis Day Four)

Come on, Kordok. Spider-Man can just jump around or something. You'll never beat him, no matter how many hostages you take. As for Jonah Jameson, well, he sometimes gets like that when it looks like the wall-crawler is going down. Basically, whenever Jonah isn't the one who paid for the person putting him down, or is vouching public support for the person putting Spider-Man down. I think there's a theory going around that Jonah merely harps on Spider-Man so that the hero will keep doing his best, and Spider-Man sort of looks to Jonah as a surrogate father-figure whom he can never please. Oh, and Spider-Man? You should have said "You shouldn't have come back, Dara". After all, she was kidnapped and forced to come to the stadium.

TIL: Jonah's facial expression in panel three. You know, the only panel he's in today.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Sixteen (Hostage Crisis Day Three)

At least this explains why Dara Dorset was hiding in the boxes. We all know Spider-Man's not going to die any time soon, so I'm guessing the shots in question will either hit Maria Lopez, Dara Dorset, or nobody. Also, I was excited when I read the word "kingdom" last panel... I thought it was going to say the "Kingpin". That's kind of sad.

TIL: The purple aura around Spider-Man's head. Is Doctor Strange here to help?

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Fifteen (Hostage Crisis Day Two)

Kurt Kordok can collect countless captives currently. Or, he could just shoot Spider-Man while he's talking and end this whole thing now. Seriously, just web up the gun, knock him out, and everything will be okay. There's no need to drag this out for another week.

TIL: The ghostly cameraman in panel one.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Fourteen (Enter: THE MEDIA)

"Who was that hostage I saw you with last night?"
"That was no hostage, that was my wife!"

That's all that's been running through my head since I read this. Maria Lopez and Jonah are probably just going to distract Kordok long enough for Spider-Man to whisk Dara Dorset to safety, followed by a solid left hook to Kordok's chin. This will knock the crime lord out and pretty much end the Kordok thing. I hope. Then we can go on to the next storyline!

My hope: Peter travels to the desert to be with Mary Jane (despite her only being there for a supposed week), only to find that filming has been stopped due to freak sandstorms. Peter dons his costume to investigate (Spider-Man in the desert. Fun.) and discovers the Sandman (I don't know if he's been in this strip before) causing trouble.

What'll Really Happen: Spider-Man tangles with some other nameless slob we don't care about and gripes about missing Mary Jane. Also, marital trouble stemming from the whole Dara Dorset thing, maybe.

Wait a sec, aren't there police all around the stadium? How did Maria and Jonah get in?

TIL: Jonah Jameson in panel three.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Day Six

I know where this is going. Kordok is going to put Spider-Man into an elaborate death-trap and gloat about how great all this is. Then, Spider-Man is going to quip and call Kordok "mad" and whatnot. There'll be something about the chains, then Spider-Man will start busting out of them and Kordok will be dumb-founded, and say, "No one can do that!" Spidey will reply, "No one... except someone with the proportionate strength of a spider!" and bust out of them. Then he'll deal Kordok a finishing blow and web him up. Meanwhile, Dara Dorset will meet up with the news hounds and be in hysterics. If all this doesn't happen, I will be quite surprised.

TIL: In the second panel, it looks like Gulliver and the Lilliputians. That made me smile.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Part Five

I think this strip is the saddest thing I have ever seen, unless this is all a plan by Spider-Man or something. One can only guess what Kordok wants with Dorset now (my guess: unrequited love) or why Spider-Man didn't dodge Kordok's punch (luring him into a false sense of security, perhaps), but this had better lead to one heck of a pay-off. Yet I already know that this will end up being disappointing. Also, Kordok's first-grade-level quip makes me groan.

TIL: There is nothing I like about today's strip. It's that sad.

Spider-Man Versus Kurt Kordok: Parts Two Through Four

Weekends are really no good if you're expecting me to post on time. It's not that I don't want to post on time, it's just that I am busy on weekends. Especially this weekend, but at least my shenanigans were vaguely Spider-Man related. Indeed, it was Free Comic Book Day and I spent the better part of Saturday traveling from comic shop to comic shop seeing what everyone had to offer. That night I went to see "Spider-Man 3", which I thought was decent. In any case, I'm sure I'm boring you all to tears with this, so here's what you came for:
05/05/2007:Kurt Kordok is being very obstinant about Dara Dorset's supposed marriage to Spider-Man. It's almost as if the man has a mental block that prevents him from not believing it. Anyway, it looks as if there will be no more fisticuffs between the web-slinger and Kordok. More's the pity.

TIL: The motion lines around Spider-Man's hand in the first panel.

05/06/2007:Why, exactly, did Spider-Man climb up there? Also: when? In fact, everyone is in the entirely wrong place! Either they suddenly stopped their conversation and just randomly moved around, or someone isn't paying attention to things like this. Also, this strip proves that Kordok is just apathetic about Dara Dorset's marital status.

Meanwhile, Jonah Jameson is dashing through town and is set upon by the malevolent Maria Lopez! Next week is going to be exciting, sure enough.

TIL: The bottom middle panel. It's not often we get a frontal action shot of Jonah.

05/07/2007:It's time like these when you realize recap strips are perhaps the greatest plight to menace the comic strip page since incontinent parakeets. As we saw yesterday, Spider-Man has already offered himself in place of Dara Dorset. The first panel makes it seem as if the pair has short-term memory loss or became distracted by something and had to have the exhange again. Then we have Jonah Jameson's escapades with Maria Lopez, which will no doubt prove to be riveting. Almost as riveting as Jonah struggling with a lenscap, hopefully.

TIL: Maria Lopez's rhyme in panel three.

Repetion

The only thing I can really say about this is that Jonah is no doubt going to seethe with righteous anger for the next few days. When he finds out that Spider-Man's appearance has sent his ratings through the roof, however, and the tale of a hero going off to save his supposed wife has glued the public to his program he will be singing a song of a different tune. Also, wouldn't it be great if Jameson decided to accompany Spider-Man and film the hero doing his heroism? I think it would be.

Also, this is the fourth time Jonah has mentioned that Dara Dorset is being held by Kurt Kordok. I think people get it, JJJ.

Thing I Liked:
-I guess the arrangement of things in the first panel. Jonah looks like he's manifesting an image of Dara Dorset, kind of.

Story Recap GO!

I'll follow today's strip lead and recap the story so far:

It all started about four months ago. After defeating Doctor Octopus, Spider-Man found out that his wife, Mary Jane, was heading out to the desert for a week to shoot her Marvella movie. While she told Peter Parker (the alias of the amazing Spider-Man) he could accompany her, he threw a hissy-fit and proceeded to whine after she left about how much she would miss him. Then Spider-Man beat the living daylights out of some thugs robbing a jewelery store. These thugs were under the employ of the mysterious Kurt Kordok, who was angry that they were stopped by Spider-Man. He expressed this by tossing his henchman, Weasel, into a wall.

Meanwhile, Jonah Jameson started an anti-Spider-Man news program to combat Maria Lopez's pro-Spider-Man program. However, Spider-Man was still on the prowl and took out a car of thugs. At this point, we were introduced to the sensational character find of FOREVER, the Land Captain. Maria Lopez did not care about Land Captain's involvement and asked Spider-Man for an interview. Spidey accepted the offer and later that night he... uh... went to the interview. The consequence of this was Kurt Kordok's new-found resolve to get the web-slinger before the web-slinger got him.

Kordok (who may or may not be the Kingpin, and this is looking pretty doubtful right now) was given the means to do this when a woman named Dara Dorset went on Jonah Jameson's show claiming to be Spider-Man's wife. Needless to say, after going on Jameson's show several times claiming to be Spider-Man's wife, Dorset was kidnapped by Weasel. Elsewhere, Spider-Man was hit in the head by a falling brick and was out of commission for several hours. Anyway, Dorset was now being truthful about her relationship to Spider-Man (re: none) and is currently being held for ransom by Kurt Kordok. The ransom, as you can see above, is Spider-Man.

We have no idea what Mary Jane thinks of all this, as I think they forgot about her. Ditto for Maria Lopez, who showed up once to gape at Jonah's find and has vanished.

As for today's comic, well, it's a recap of yesterday's for those who don't get the Sunday installment.

Thing I Liked:
-Jonah's thought bubble in the first panel. Pure gold, that.