Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Maria Lopez: Archcriminal

Notice the gleeful look on Mary Jane's face when she posits that Jonah Jameson and Maria Lopez will be at each other's throats. Next thing you know, she'll be taking meddling lessons from Mary Worth just so she can see disastrous relationships. Speaking of relationships, I hope that Jameson and Lopez are just sharing a friendly drink after a successful broadcast. Reasons why:
1) I'm pretty sure Jameson is married.
2) Jameson's heart would only get broken. Lopez only has eyes for her cameraman.
3) Jameson is probably like, three times her age.

Ah, wait. That's it. Lopez is a gold-digger who's after Jonah's immense newspaper fortune. Now all this makes sense. She pulled strings to get her target a job in Los Angeles (I doubt Jameson could become a broadcast journalist otherwise), and will proceed to seduce him and have her cameraman murder him so she can collect the money. Or at least she would if a certain web-slinger did not involve himself...

6 comments:

Ken Begg said...

A Spider-Man / Mary Worth crossover would be awesome!! At least body-type wise, don't Doc Ock and the late Aldo Kelrast (an obviously fake name) share a certain resemblance? It’s obvious! Doctor Octavius will soon be on his way to Charterstone to seek his revenge!

Mike P said...

Once there, Doctor Octopus will ensnare the new meddler, and use her supposed psychic powers to cause the residents of Charterstone to follow only his bidding. When Spider-Man arrives, he will have to face the might of the AARP Army!

Ken Begg said...

Ah, you miss the point. Mary's new rival for biddiness is none other than Aldo and Otto's (notice the 'o' names!) *MOTHER*!! It's she who summons Doc Ock there.

As a brilliant countermove, Peter calls in Aunt May, and as the two super-foes face off for the 387th time, an epic three-way biddy war for the ages commences!

Mike P said...

I am in awe of that idea.

Ken Begg said...

Plus, nobody in the Marvel Universe ever really dies. This means that the climatic revelation of the whole thing will be when we learn that Octavius has used his cybernetic genius to bring Aldo back as a cyber-zombie! A cyber-zombie out for sweet, sweet revenge and even sweeter monkey love with Mary Worth! Sadly, Aldo proves as reliably bad a driver as Toonces the Cat, and the storyline ends as Cyber-Aldo again drives off a cliff, following which he and Mary are consumed in a huge fireball.

Damn, who can I pay to make this happen?

Mike P said...

If I had better photoshop skills, I would do it myself. As it is, they're rather lackluster.