Sunday, March 18, 2007

Spider-Man's Head Trauma: Day Four

We enter day four of Spider-Man's head trauma. As you well know, the masked crusader (who has been punched in the head by the likes of Doctor Octopus's metallic tentacles, the Hulk, Namor the Sub-Mariner, and various other super-strong individuals) is still reeling from being hit in the head with a brick. Why his spider-sense did not alert him of this mundane danger leading him to use his spider-like agility to get out of the way is unknown at this time. Experts claim that it is because Spider-Man (who has grappled with those listed above and many more, along with lifting tons of wreckage above his head in order to deliver his aunt medicine, and emerged undaunted and fresh as a daisy) was winded from stopping a mid-sized sedan from smashing into a wall.

Spider-Man's alleged wife, Dara Dorset could not be reached for comment.

John Jonah Jameson, known opponent of Spider-Man and local pundit claimed, "That wall-crawler is a threat to this city and whichever city he happens to be in! The fact that a simple brick could keep him from his menacing ways for this long proves that not only is Spider-Man incompetent, but also out of shape and unsuited for his occupation!"

Mary Jane Watson-Parker, rumored to have a close connection with the superhero and star of the upcoming action film "Marvella" was unable to speak, and was openly weeping when contacted, her only intelligible words were "Dorset hussy" and "cheating bastard".

Peter Parker could not be reached for comment, presumably in the field taking pictures of this, Spider-Man's darkest hour.

Professor Otto Octavius, better known as Doctor Octopus, laughed maniacally and shouted, "Of course! A simple brick to the head! Here I was wasting my time with death traps and metal tentacles when all I needed was a half-brick in a sock!"

Finally, local vigilante Land Captain returned after a lengthy absence. After claiming to have been in another universe filled with super-heroes and saying that he's only here to empty his savings account, he responded to all inquiries regarding Spider-Man, the Parkers, and Dara Dorset with a knowing wink. After stopping a bank robbery utilizing his heretofore unseen physical prowess, he got into what can only be called a tricked-out RV and turned a corner. When we attempted to follow, we could not find him or his RV.

We will have more on this situation as it develops.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

How many weeks has this stupid storyline been going on now? Just put an end to it. Better yet, somebody bring in a new creative team to work on this strip. Does Stan Lee even really write this strip anymore? Or do they just keep his name on it for marketing purposes.

Mike P said...

The head trauma thing started four days ago.

The Dara Dorset thing started on February 16th, so it's been going on for about a month.

Everything else has been going on for far too long. I doubt Stan Lee is still working on it, because I would expect it to carry that special Stan Lee zing his work has. Then again, I have no proof either way.

Aaron T. said...

Whose name used to be listed below Lee's in that little byline box in the first frame? It looks like someone else's name has been lazily redacted.

Aaron T. said...

I'll answer my own question... Thirty seconds at Wikipedia reveals it's probably Steve Ditko. When did they stop crediting him on the daily strip?